I've been wanting to write a blog post about my separation for the longest time, but I contemplated on sharing too much or not enough. Therefore, I'm going to share my personal experience but not the actual situation itself.
No one ever imagines getting a divorce. As a little girl I envisioned that fairytale love that you see in the movies. I thought I'd get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. The first two things definitely happened, but the happily ever after not so much. I had known for a while that I wanted a divorce but I didn't know where to start. If it was just me in the picture it would have been somewhat easier, but when you have 4 kids, it's not just your life that's being impacted, but theirs as well.
One of the toughest moments for me was my entire family finding out and everyone being against my decision. I mean, I get it, I was married for 9 years and the last thing anyone expected was a divorce. I'm also Bosnian and divorces our extremely rare in our culture, which is another reason I held off on it for so long. Looking back now, It's not fair. I was already going through so much and I just needed someone to say," you're going to be ok, this is what's best." Instead, I felt alone and terrible. The next few months after everyone found out, were the toughest. My ex and I still continued to live in the same home until it eventually sold, 2 months later. We tried to be as cordial as possible for the kids but also prepared them for what was about to happen. My family was still in denial about the whole situation until the time actually came for us to part ways.
I was so excited to move into my little apartment and start this new life with my boys. The first few weeks were emotionally draining. I would cry myself to sleep each night. It's not that I missed my old life, I missed the idea of having a family. After a while it got easier and I realized my boys and I are the family. There are still a lot of changes going on and a lot that hasn't been figured out. My main focus will always continue to be my boys. If I could give any advice to anyone going through a similar situation, It would be to do what makes you happy and forget what everyone else says and thinks. At the end of the day, no one knows what happens behind closed doors. I received multiple messages from people that had been following me for years. They were completely shocked about my divorce and were saying how perfectly happy I looked with my ex. Think about it this way, a photo is taken within seconds but you don't see what happens before or after that.